ABC Announces New Shows With Roseanne Barr And Candace Owens

In a move that has the entertainment world buzzing, ABC has announced an audacious new lineup of shows featuring none other than Roseanne Barr and Candace Owens. The dynamic duo is set to take prime-time television by storm, bringing with them a unique blend of controversy, bold opinions, and—let’s not forget—top-notch entertainment.

Roseanne Barr is back, and this time, she’s not just the queen of the sitcom; she’s the empress of everything controversial. ABC has decided to resurrect the iconic show “Roseanne,” but with a twist that only Barr could pull off.

The show, tentatively titled “Roseanne 2.0: The Red Pill Chronicles,” follows the Conner family as they navigate through a world that’s “gone mad,” according to the show’s lead character, Roseanne Conner. This time around, the Conners are diving deep into the world of conspiracy theories, with Roseanne herself playing a modern-day oracle, who, in her words, is “the last sane person in America.”

Fans can expect episodes tackling everything from 5G mind control towers to the secret lizard people running the government. “I’m excited to show America the truth they’ve been missing,” Barr said in a press release. “And if anyone disagrees, well, they’re just sheeple who can’t handle it!”

In what some are calling the most unexpected career pivot of the decade, conservative commentator Candace Owens is trading in her microphone for a script. ABC’s second bold new show, “Owens Knows Best,” is a family sitcom where Owens plays the role of a no-nonsense, tell-it-like-it-is mother of three.

Set in a suburban neighborhood, the show features Owens dealing with everyday family issues, but with a twist—each episode ends with Owens breaking the fourth wall to deliver a monologue about how everything from school lunches to PTA meetings is a microcosm of the broader cultural war in America.

“I’ve always said the personal is political,” Owens commented. “Now, thanks to ABC, I can bring that message to families across America in a way that’s both entertaining and educational.”

As if having two polarizing figures leading separate shows wasn’t enough, ABC has promised epic crossover episodes where Roseanne Conner meets Candace Owens. Insiders say these episodes will feature the two characters joining forces to expose the liberal agenda, dismantle “fake news,” and promote traditional family values—all while managing to keep their homes impeccably clean.

In one planned crossover episode, Roseanne and Candace team up to infiltrate a local university’s gender studies department. Posing as professors, they aim to expose the “indoctrination” happening in academia, only to end up accidentally becoming beloved by the students, who mistake their satire for progressive genius.

“It’s like ‘Breaking Bad’ meets ‘Leave It to Beaver,’” said an ABC executive. “The chemistry between Roseanne and Candace is electric. We’re confident this will be a hit with audiences who feel underserved by traditional media.”

Unsurprisingly, ABC’s announcement has sparked a wildfire of reactions. Critics have already begun sharpening their pens, with some calling the new shows “a dangerous blend of entertainment and propaganda.” The New York Times wrote, “ABC has officially lost its mind,” while The Guardian dubbed the shows “a farcical attempt to mainstream fringe ideologies.”

However, fans of Barr and Owens are ecstatic. Social media platforms lit up with hashtags like #RoseanneReturns and #OwensPrimeTime, with supporters praising ABC for “finally giving a voice to the voiceless.”

“Finally, a network that isn’t afraid to challenge the status quo!” tweeted one enthusiastic fan. “This is exactly what we need—real people, real opinions, real TV!”

As the world waits to see how these new shows will be received, one thing is certain: ABC has taken a bold step in a new direction. Whether it’s a step towards innovation or disaster remains to be seen.

For now, all we can do is grab our popcorn, tune in, and watch as Roseanne Barr and Candace Owens do what they do best—stir the pot, ruffle feathers, and keep America talking.